Why Don’t My Jokes Work When I MC?

Some comics do very well at various open mics throughout the week. They don’t just make the back of the room laugh, they get the whole crowd. They’re like a spark that keeps the crowd alive and drinking, and even though you’ve seen their set a dozen times you still watch. Word spreads and the comic gets his or her first shot to MC at the local club where a crowd of 30 (most of them got in free) yawns through that comic’s same set. Why does this happen?

  1. Opening a show is the toughest spot there is. The crowd hasn’t heard itself laugh yet, so they’re a little self-conscious. They’re also trying to get seated and order drinks. This isn’t your fault, but it comes with the territory.  Years ago Nick Griffin advised me to open with my best joke. He explained how the crowd is eager to see if you’re funny or not. First impressions are important.
    From my experience, to do this you need to relate to them right away. Bring up something local (that you’ve tested before). That doesn’t mean hacky or stock, but if you have a home club, you should write an opening joke specific to that area. Or use a very quick setup-punchline joke to get that laugh asap. As host you can’t just dive straight into your act, so find a way to get through the mandatory welcoming announcements to get the attention from everyone. This can be as simple as mentioning the headliner’s name and getting one more round of applause for that.
  2. Your open mic jokes won’t always work at a comedy club. The big difference is the crowd. An open mic that starts Tuesday at 10:00 in at artsy neighborhood is going to have a much different taste for what’s funny than a married couple celebrating their 22nd anniversary on a Saturday night at the 7:00 show.  They stopped smoking pot 15 years ago and are freaking out because they suspect their teenage son is now. That hypothetical isn’t true with the entire crowd, but examine your material and see how universal it is to other demographics. Are they jokes you could do in front of people like your parents or 3rd-grade teacher? (Good news, if the club still does late shows your open mic material may work better for those shows, but that’s not what management cares about.)
  3. Adding onto that, you can’t start dirty. People haven’t loosened up yet, so give them some comedy foreplay before going blue or trying anything shocking–and if you’re hosting, odds are the other comics and club prefer you not go blue in the first fifteen minutes of the show anyway.  It’s hard to write clean. I understand that, but if you want to make money and get a lot more stage time hosting at a club you’ll need to abide. Dirtier or edgier jokes are harder to pull off well, and if it’s early in your career, perhaps your joke-writing ability isn’t there yet. Trust me, the dirty stuff I did the first few years of my career was an awful display of joke writing.

The real barometer of comedians is how well they can do in front of a bad crowd. Anyone should be able to kill in a packed room after a few comics have already performed. Experience teaches you how to “wake a crowd up” when the show is starting, or if they’ve been awful for everyone in front of you. Use your judgment on who or what you can throw under the bus if necessary. Whatever you try, do it with confidence that radiates a vibe the crowd trusts.

For more advice on how to make money in stand-up comedy, read my book Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage. It’s available on Amazon, Kindle, iBooks, Nook, or at RobDurhamComedy.com (for signed copies).

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Don’t Give Your Show Away…

This whole post was inspired by something that happened this morning. I’ll explain…

There’s an old piece of advice to never turn down stage time. Afterall, a comic starting out should get as much experience as possible, right?  Unfortunately, part of that experience teaches you when not to take the stage.

In 18 years, the worst gigs I’ve ever done were unpaid.  Opening for bands, performing at a conference, opening a meeting…no, no and no.  These are the types of gigs that if you’re going to do, you should charge a ridiculous amount for. They’re extremely challenging and odds are, the audience isn’t expecting a comedy show. When a crowd isn’t expecting OR paying for comedy, your job becomes 10 times harder.

When this happens, you’re doing a disservice to the comedy industry because the next morning all of those people will vent: “…And they had a comedian up there trying to be funny, and it was awful.”

“So many comedians just aren’t funny these days.”

“I know, I think I’ll boycott the local shows forever!”

Perhaps an exaggeration, but in the long run, you’re going to hurt the reputation of that many people’s opinion on live stand-up comedy.

The next part is, once you’re actually a legit comedian who has been paid multiple times for performing, don’t give it away. It’s the same as asking your tattoo artist buddy for a freebie, or some other artisan to give their skill away. It cheapens the industry. The only exception for this is when you’re performing for charity or showcasing for something that might further your career. As a poor comic, it’s nice to be able to donate the only thing that you can sometimes.

As I said, this post was brought on by something I was just asked to do. A colleague at UMSL asked if I could do a session in a teacher workshop this September. I agreed because it’s a day out of my classroom, I can sell books, and I like sharing tips and ideas with fellow teachers. Once approved, she added that I can “wake up the workshop with 25 minutes of my comedy bit” at 8:30 in the morning. 25-year-old Rob would’ve happily agreed, but 40-year-old Rob knows better. This is something I’d charge at least $500 for suffering through and that’s not in their budget. I kindly declined and explained why.

For more tips on how to make money in stand-up comedy, order my book, Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage via Amazon, Kindle, Nook, etc.

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6 Things I Would Do Differently If I Could Start My Comedy Career Over…

If I could start my comedy career over, here are 6 things I would do differently…

  1. Establish a better reputation. Comedians gossip. I got to hear a lot of it as a doorman at the Columbus Funnybone. It made me feel like part of the mix when I could participate in these conversations with headliners. I’d make fun of other comics as if I was any better, just trying to fit in. While I don’t think I ever had a bad reputation, it would’ve been nice to be on that short list of comics who everyone loves because they’re so ridiculously pleasant and positive to be around. I realize this positive-thinking stuff is hard to find within the industry.
  2. Put my profession in front of personal relationships. Something I didn’t understand early in my career is that being a comedian makes you miss a lot of important moments in life. My dumbass turned down a week of hosting at a very nice club in another state, because I would’ve had to cancel anniversary plans with my girlfriend at the time. It was our two month anniversary. It was a pretty big booker too. Again, I was a dumbass. I cringe as I think at how much more work that could’ve led to. Establish your career before you establish your relationship or else he or she won’t understand right away what the strains of working the road are…plus you’ll be poor which they won’t care for either.
  3. Record and listen to every set. I still suck at this. It’s not like there isn’t time when you’re out on the road. They say professional athletes spend hours in the film room to get better; the same has to be true with comedians. If it’s painful to listen to or watch, figure out why and change it. Otherwise you could make a bad habit permanent, and stunt the growth of your career.
  4. Write about every gig. Journal what went right and why as well as what didn’t and why it failed. Keep track of the people you worked with at the gig–the servers, bartenders, managers, and other comics because when you return you can reestablish that awesome new friendship you felt like you had after that third post-show drink.  When you build relationships with the people around your shows, it helps your following.  You should also note what jokes work better with different types of crowds.  Did you know that the people in Little Rock, Arkansas don’t have a good sense of humor about any jokes that suggest they’re a tad redneck? (Most places proudly admit it.)  Which cities are super-conservative? Which managers are sticklers about how much time you do? These things matter if you’re going to return someday. It’s also a good place to log the local jokes you write for that particular gig.
  5. Shut up and listen. When I hosted for a lot of bigger names, I for whatever reason thought that anything I had to say was interesting. I had no life or comedy experience, yet I probably interrupted their advice to tell them about my boring day or a gig I did last in the prior week. Not only did this limit some of the advice they could give me, it probably scared them off. And I honestly think it was just a couple of drinks that made me like this, so to piggyback on this one…
  6. Stay completely sober while you’re working. You can make excuses that you’re funnier when you’re buzzed or high, but you’re probably more annoying to be around because of the things mentioned in #5.

Trust me on these things. If you’re interested in learning more about how to make money in stand-up comedy, check out my book Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage which is available on Amazon, Kindle, Nook, iBooks, etc.


Stop Being A Loser on Stage

If you watch open mic week after week, you’ll start to hear a lot of the same kinds of material.

“I’m single.”

“I’m poor.”

I did the same thing because when I started at 22 I was single and poor…rather desperate even. Write what you know, right? The problem is that if you’re going to make the jump to performing in professional shows (which is what my book and this blog are for), you’re not going to connect with a majority of the audience.

Find something else to write jokes about if you want to be a part of bigger shows that pay.

I missed the Tinder generation of dating, but I imagine no one stresses how poor and lonely they are on there. “Lovable loser” has its comedy limits too.  Most of your crowd at paying shows are going to be married couples who have careers and more ambition. Your material might be “cute,” but if you’re going for sympathy, that tends to trump funny.

I advise you to go through each joke in your set, and if there’s a hint of “this will gain sympathy” you should ask yourself whether it’s really worth keeping.

A successful vibe is going to attract more people. In the last few years of my career I’ve booked quite a few well-paying shows just from people in the crowd afterwards.

In that long open mic list, you have to find a way to make your material stand out.

(And if you’re looking to attract someone from stage, joking about how single you are isn’t the way to wow them either. I’ve knew a comic who would always lie and say that he had a girlfriend on stage because he said it attracted more women.)

For more tips on how to make money in stand-up comedy, check out my book, Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage which is available on Amazon, Kindle, iTunes, etc.


6 Tips for Corporate Gigs

Corporate gigs can be some of the must lucrative shows you’ll get.  They’re most common in the month of December during Christmas party season. There’s a price though, as they often require a lot of experience just to get through. I once performed a half-hour set at noon in a break room with no microphone for $50. I asked for $200, they countered with less.  I should’ve said no. I could’ve used these tips, but it was 2002 and I was dumb.

Here are some things to remember:

  1. Charge a lot–Usually it’s “nobody’s money” and they’re using a budget they were given. If a low-ball figure like $250 for a show is too much for them, that foreshadows what type of crap gig you’re doing.  Think of it as a survivor fee. A lot of comics name a number they don’t think they’ll accept because they hate corporate gigs so much. If they do, at least it’s a nice payday.
  2. Find an opener–Pay someone a percentage of your earnings to break the ice for you. It might be the first comedy show for some of your audience, so they need to see how it works. $50 for 5-10 minutes should cover it.
  3. Be clean–Even if they tell you it’s okay to say “anything within reason,” start super clean and test them out. It’s not that they’re overly moral, it’s that they’re afraid to laugh around their coworkers about certain topics. Ask what’s taboo.  You never know when a specific tragedy just hit a company, so find out what’s off limits. Discuss how clean you need to be on the phone while booking.
  4. Make sure you have a stage (space), lighting, and sound system. Also, agree on how long the show will be ahead of time. Sometimes they think these things are going to go for hours. Discuss all this over the phone beforehand.
  5. Get a contract or some sort of paperwork signed ahead of time. If they wrong you, at least you can warn others. They usually draw up the invoice.
  6. Do your research on the company.  It can be hard to write fresh new jokes for something you don’t know much about, so if that’s the case, make your ignorance to their expertise funny.  Get to these jokes early (but not first) in your set. Start into them after you’ve established some laughs with your usual opening jokes.

For more tips on how to make money and progress your career in stand-up comedy, read my book Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage.

 


Video Advice on How to Deal with Hecklers

For more tips on making money in comedy, read Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage. Also available on ebook.


8 Tips to Get Booked at More One-Nighters

Most one-nighter gigs, which almost always pay more than a club show, aren’t places you can just email and say, “Hey, I want to do your next show there.”  They’re commonly booked by comics who also book multiple one-nighter rooms.  You usually get your comedy legs doing these if you live in the Midwest. The important thing to remember is this: The comic who booked you for this room, 9 times out of 10, books more rooms just like it, all within a four-hour drive.

So how do you ensure to get more work? Usually that booker/comic is not at the gig with you, so he or she will rely heavily on the bar’s manager/owner.  Other than being funny on stage, here are ways you can get on their good side to ensure they rave about you:

  1. Send your promo stuff to them right away.  The day you get booked you should email your bio and headshot to whoever it needs to go to.
  2. Usually you’ll get management’s contact info.  Text them the day before or morning of the gig. Their biggest nightmare is pouring all this money and effort into putting a show together and then the comic not showing up. They don’t trust that we need to work and get paid, so they’re very worrisome. (Maybe bands skip out sometimes  Arrive early for the same reason as #2.  If they ask you to be there an hour early, do so, or at least text that you’re near.
  3. Ease into the dirtier stuff.  If you’re opening for a headliner, people aren’t ready to hear blue comedy after a drink or two.  A lot of your audience isn’t used to hearing certain words over a speaker, so go as clean as you can for as long as you can.
  4. Enjoy their hospitality, but don’t take advantage of it.  Declining food altogether could hurt feelings (“No one’s ever turned down Ma’s wings!”), but don’t go for the steak and single batch.
  5. Go local–Drive a lap around their little town and write a crack or two about it. Comics get a ton of praise after shows for doing that. It’s a good way to get them on your side early as well.
  6. Be careful with politics.  Somebody had to vote for him. Didn’t you see the bumper stickers in the lot? It makes the owner nervous too.
  7. Stick around after you get paid.  Don’t get blitzed out of your mind for the drive home, but stay for that extra handshake and thank you.  I get several well-paying private gigs a year from audience members who talk to me after shows.
  8. Decline the hotel ahead of time.  Sometimes the booker can offer you $50 more and it’s a lot less of a hassle. Anything within 4 hours shouldn’t require a hotel, so save everyone the trouble unless you’re on your way to another one.

Back in 2003ish I MC-ed for Nick Di Paolo in a club in Dayton named Jokers. One of the things I loved about that club is that the headliner had to talk to me because the green room was the width of a love seat (which had a collapsed cushion on one side). There wasn’t anywhere else to go. But I was baffled when Nick said, “I’ve never had to call a club to get work.”  And he didn’t mean email either.  They were reaching out to him. 16 years later that’s how I’m getting a bulk of my work, and I’m nowhere near famous or special.

If you’re interested in making money doing stand-up comedy, check out my book Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage which is available on Amazon, Kindle, Nook, iBooks, etc.

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