The saddest thing you can do from stage…

Someone asked me what the biggest difference between being a musician and being a comic was.  I joked that guitar players don’t go home alone after the show…comics do.  And I’ll admit a lot of us at one point in our career have hoped to land someone after a show.  A single guy in his 20s who normally doesn’t get much attention, especially in bars/dance clubs, jumps at the chance to have everyone (tables of women) in a room listen to him.  Here’s his chance to let everyone know he’s available.

The above situation and attitude hampers a set because the material’s first goal isn’t to be funny–it’s to get laid.  The sad thing is that everyone in the room can tell.  I’m not the first person to advise about this (Don’t Try to Have Sex from Stage as a sequel?), but it’s worth repeating.  In fact, guys, if you’re going to try and score from stage then go ahead and lie.  Women aren’t turned on by your tales of loneliness.  Pretend you have a significant other because the whores you’re going to sleep with don’t care if you’re single or not.  The most aggressive a woman’s been with me was after a set where I talked about my wife half the time (Union, MO if you were wondering).  So I guess this week’s bonus advice is this:  If you insist on trying to get laid from stage, then lie about having someone you can cheat on.

It’s okay to poke fun of yourself and your singleness, but don’t do it to gain sympathy and phone numbers; do it to be funny.  If it’s not worth the joke, drop it from your set.  Don’t sound too pathetic because half of the people in the crowd have a whiny friend just like you.  A lot of comics have found their significant other after a show, but not because they impressed someone by how lonely they were in all of their jokes.

This week marks my 14th comedy birthday.  I recall something in my very first set about getting a girl a Valentine’s Day card and her sending me one that may have been a restraining order (Get it?!  I was a loser!).  Nothing sentimental to write about how these past 14 years have been a blast and blah blah blah.  I’ll save that for next year.  How about a book plug instead?  Want more comedy advice?  Order it here!

***I’m aware it sounds like I’m endorsing the double-standard of casual sex and saying it’s okay for men and not women.  That is not my intention, I’m just generalizing because it’s a simple blog topic.  Men are whores too.  I’m also aware that this post has no benefit for female comics.  I haven’t encountered any female comics who have tried to get laid from the stage and I assume they know better.



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