I was going to write a response to the question, “Can you go to too many open mics?” but the answer was obviously “no” followed by some other obvious tips like, “Don’t be that comic who gets drunk, annoying, and wastes precious stage time of yourself or others.”  Chad Wallace summed it up in the St. Louis comics thread by saying, “Bring your A game.”

So just a quick tip.  Since Facebook is pretty much the main way most new comics try to promote themselves by getting their name and face out there…keep your profile picture as yourself.  It doesn’t need to be a headshot, but if you’re connected to hundreds of comics on Facebook, they’d like to be able to recognize you when you talk to them after a show.  Perhaps you MC for them once.  They’ll remember your face if they see it every so often on Facebook.  If they don’t see your face, you’re more than likely to be forgotten.  It doesn’t even have to be just you in the picture.  The mistake comics make is trying to post something funny as a picture.  That’s kind of like trying to do jokes during the show’s announcements.  It doesn’t need to be funny, nor does it work very often.

I’m not saying I’m one of those comics who is important to know, but there have been numerous times where I pretended to know who you were and then had to ask someone after you walked away or just didn’t care.  Turns out we’re pretty much all bad with names.  Facebook has been a lifesaver many times.  However, if I’ve never seen your actual face on it, it will take me a lot longer to know who you are.  (The same with important people.)

This week I featured at the new Valley Park Funnybone (it’s just outside of the outer-belt on the southwest side of St. Louis).  It’s only the first week but I’ve collected a few observations on how it reminded me of a few other places I’ve performed.

I think the thing comics want to know is how the crowds are.  Though it’s the grand opening we’re battling against Cardinals baseball, so Friday was close to a complete wash.  Saturday night had a solid first show of over a hundred.  What we noticed was that the people there dress a little nicer than Westport.  Most of them really took pride in their appearance and showed class.  They seem to be a little more “established” as far as being in their 40s, having a spouse, and getting there on time.  Yes, there was one guy there in hunting gear and boots, but he was still a gentleman.  They aren’t an “old” crowd, but there are certianly less groups of 20-somethings.

The thing to remember about this club is that the people are proud of it being in their town.  If you perform there, be careful about mocking the area and don’t lump them in with the rest of the city.  Yes, they’re more conservative and traditional, but they haven’t moaned at one bit this week.  Just do your material about you or your usual topics and leave who they are out of it.  There’s a way to do local humor, but it’s tougher in these situations where they’re small-town but not isolated from the rest of the world.  There’s a sense of pride in their community.  Figure out how to translate that into your local jokes if you do any.

This club is very typical compared to a lot of the clubs I’ve worked at in the last half-decade.  It’s small town America but they have money.  They don’t always spend it in the same flashy way people in the city do but they’re not aliens, just more practical.

Anotherthing to point out about this club is its connection to the bar, Bobbie’s Place, just across the plaza.  A lot of people who will be patronizing the club are regulars or work at Bobbie’s.  I met at least a dozen people who mentioned it in conversation.  I think the two businesses will compliment each other well.  Hopefully none of the local or touring comics will do anything stupid after a show over there and hurt reputations.

As far as what material will work, this club is more like what a mjority of your one-nighter/paying gigs are going to be in the Midwest.  If you’re “too alternative” for Wesport, I think it’ll be even tougher at Valley Park.  It has nothing to do with being dirty or not, it has to do with trying to sound smarter than them when you’re a decade or two younger.  I’ll say it again, this club is more like what you’re going to perform in front of if you work the road in the Midwest.  Learn to adjust without pandoring (as I explain in Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage).

All of the above are just my opinions based on what I’ve seen this weekend.  I could be wrong, but from what I experienced it’s a pretty typical Midwest club.  We’re fortunate to have it so close to the rest of our St. Louis scene.

There’s a simple answer:  As much as you think you can.

If you have a strong enough web presence and a good reputation you’ll get some calls or emails out of the blue.  People have no idea what comedy costs.  In my early years I took what I could get and sometimes named my own price but then accepted their counter offer.  

If you know that you can’t provide an extremely strong show under any circumstance, then it’s okay to charge $200 or less.  If you’re working with 2 other professionals, $500 is a good minimum.  I know guys who won’t take anything under a grand and they’re no funnier than the rest of us–but they get their gigs, just less of them.

Here are some important questions to ask yourself or the person paying you that will help you justify raising your price.

1.  What night of the week is it?  (Saturdays should be your most expensive)

2.  How many people does the place hold?  (Figure out how much the venue will be making)

3.  Is it for charity?  (You can take as little as you want in this case.  We’ve all done free shows for a good cause, but I’ve found they realize you cost money.)

4.  What’s their budget and what do they pay for bands?  (You can charge the same sometimes.)

5.  How much is it going to suck?  If it’s a terrible gig like my break room holiday gig back in 2004 with no microphone that started at noon you should get more than $50 (I was dumb).  My worst gig of all-time, President Casino, was also my highest paying per minute ($25 per!).

6.  Are they giving you a hotel room and how far are you traveling?

7.  Do you have to book the other comics?  That should be rewarded as well because it’s often very annoying.

There will be times when you feel like you overcharged, and some shows you know you could’ve made more.  I haven’t perfected it, but as long as you can sleep at night and they want you back in a year or two you’re doing it right.  High-ball them a bit and then negotiate down to what they’ll give.  However, when you charge too little, you’re hurting the industry for the rest of us.

For more tips on how to make money performing stand-up comedy, order my book, Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage.

This week a comic buddy of mine asked me whether he should ask the headliner about selling merch after the show.  I’ll explain in a moment what my answer was.  There are a few other things that features should pay attention to while working with a headliner.  I’m sure some comics might say their only job is to try and bury the headliner, but if you overlook etiquette, you might be sabotaging yourself from getting a lot of future work.  So why should you show the headliner the following etiquette?

1.  They’ve probably known the booker/manager in charge much longer than you.

2.  They can get you more work as their opener.

3.  They know more important people than you.

4.  It’s the professional way to handle yourself.

Follow these tips and headliners will enjoy working with you.  It may not lead to more work, but it certainly will prevent you from losing any.

First, yes, it is expected that you ask the headliner if it’s okay if you sell your merch after a show.  99.9% of the time they’ll be okay with it.  They know how much less money you’re making.  My personal exceptions to this rule are if the headliner is a jerk OR if it’s a low-paying one-nighter you’re losing your ass on because of travel expenses.  Also, if you’re selling obscene t-shirts they have a right to not want that as part of the show.  It’s not fair, it sucks, but ultimately they have the control so defy this at your own risk.  They’ll like you for asking and it shows respect.

As far as being on stage, there are a few other tips (and this is especially true in clubs, crappy one-nighters can be different)… Don’t talk to the crowd.  You have 25-30 minutes, do your act.  Mark Lundholm once explained to me that if a feature talks to a crowd, the crowd expects the same from the headliner.  If that headliner doesn’t do a lot of crowd work it makes him or her less likable.  Not to mention crowds can get out of control if they’re trained to be a part of the show early on.  Yes, occasionally you have to silence a heckler or perhaps add a line here or there with them, but if you’re doing solid crowd work, that’s a no no.  When I wsa a doorman at the Columbus Funnybone I used to watch headliners absolutely fume backstage when the feature did too much crowd work.

Next, stepping on material.  It happens, so if you find a common topic in one of your bits, see if you can leave it off the setlist that week.  It’s the professional thing to do.  If it’s a bit you feel is vital to your set, apologize to the headliner for stepping on his or her material and that usually leads to a friendly conversation where they’ll tell you it’s okay if you want to do that bit (they’ve got more).

Remember, swallow your pride because it’s showbiz.  You like doing shows and making money, don’t you?

Speaking of, shell some out for a copy of my book Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage to read more previously unwritten rules/tips in comedy including a lot more on this topic.  It’s on iTunes as well.  If you’re a headliner, please feel free to share this or add any other comments on the matter.

A few weeks ago Steve Sabo shared some booking tips.  Here is more advice from another booker.  Connie Ettinger sent these my way to share with you.  Though I haven’t worked for Connie, I’ve heard nothing but good things about her over the years.  As always, there are always exceptions to rules, but these all make really good sense and are definitely worth sharing…

This week’s entry is a cut and paste of an email from booker and comic Steve Sabo.  Steve was the first booker I had in my career and has been helpful with any questions I’ve had since I’ve known him.  A lot of what I learned from him ended up in Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage.  While his advice might not be 100% universal with all bookers (I’m sure Enrique Iglesias probably sent his avails Saturday morning and it worked for him), I believe the concept of his message here applies to a great majority.  

Steve writes…

Comics, I will keep this very simple.  This applies to ALL bookers, including myself:  If you are sending your avails or asking for specific dates, you should ONLY send them on Tues, Wed or Thurs if you don’t want them to be ignored.  I have received HUNDREDS of avails on Mondays, Fridays and Weekends, and thusly I am sure other bookers have as well.  Mondays are bad days, because Monday is the day we deal with everything that has built up over the weekend, and when we get settled and try to get out act together.  Your avails will just get lost.  Fridays are useless because we are trying to get all our business off the table, we won’t have any interest in looking at things for you.  And the weekend?  If the booker is a comic, he is off doing comedy, and if he isn’t, he is probably trying to enjoy the weekend with his family.  Most if not all of those will be deleted.  I know you do things then because you have the time, or you think of it, or it fits YOUR personal agenda.  BUT, as the adage goes, work SMARTER, not HARDER.  If you send your things at times that are more conducive for them to be looked at, you will have much, much better chance of success.

Next week I’ll be posting additional advice from bookers.  I’m not turning this site into a guest writer blog, but it’s a busy time of the year for me and the advice was too good to not share.  Thank you again to everyone who has written, commented, and given the book a review on Amazon.

When it comes to thinking back to the worst shows I’ve ever had, #1 and #2 were both on the same night at a casino.  The toughest part about casino gigs is that no one goes to the casino to see comedy.  Often, the people who are watching you have found your stage accidentally.  They may also be hundreds or thousands of dollars in debt from the past hour.  People will also come and go during the show.  Your show is just a pit stop for gamblers.  So the first challenge is audience.

The second challenge is the stage area.  It’s often not sealed off from the main floor meaning you’re going to hear slot machines, background music and various other noises while you’re performing.  You’re just a sideshow that the casino can easily afford.  The comedy show is just a compliment to the casino visit.

The third challenge is that they’ll usually want you to be clean.  Casinos don’t want to risk people getting offended and taking their money elsewhere.  If you’re opening for a headliner there’s a good chance he/she will be squeaky clean.  Mentioning the audience again, there will be old folks.  They won’t get a lot of your act anyway.  Material about gambling is a good way to start your set.  I have a joke about lottery tickets which suffices for the situation so I open with it.

So why go perform in tough conditions in front of people who often don’t even want to see comedy?  The money.  Get to these gigs early so you can go through security and take some long hallway through the set of Ocean’s Eleven.  It becomes clear how much money the venue makes.  Those two awful sets I mentioned at the beginning?  Each one was eight minutes long and I still made $400.  I performed at another casino (in Missouri) on Friday night.  The conditions were tough but I plowed through, kept a smile on my face, stayed clean, and used plenty of energy.  It actually turned out to be a really good show.  They don’t always go this well at casinos, but the checks always clear.

For other show tips oh how to make money in comedy check out my book, Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage.

I’ll admit it.  A lot of times after a show all I care about it how much merch I’m going to sell.  The set can go fine, and even great, but really, that’s the last part of the work for the night.  People come up and say, “You were funnier’n shit man!” and they babble some other drunken compliments, shake my hand way too hard, and then leave.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate every compliment and make it a point to say thank you twice, but like other comics, I’ve become jaded.

I’ll also admit, I don’t like going to comedy shows that I’m not performing at.  There are a few exceptions like if one of the mega-legends were to come into town and perform, then yes, I would be content to sit with the “common folk” for 90 minutes.  I enjoy concerts a lot more though.

Last night I allowed myself to be on the other side of the merch table and from this experience I now have a new appreciation and perspective on the people who support me.

My friend (and fellow comic) Frankie Chubb and I went to a small venue on the Wash U. campus called “The Chapel Venue.”  Inside, they only asked for $5-$10 donations for admission and $2 donations for beers to see a guitarist I saw years ago named Levi Weaver.

Like a lot of my gigs, the room had plenty of empty seats.  Frankie and I were both blown away with how talented this guy is and enjoyed the whole show.  For his encore he asked for requests and though I hated myself for being that guy, asked for one.  He played it!  (This makes up for the time I dropped $50 on Pearl Jam only to have them ignore the entire Ten album)  Afterwards, Levi hung around and sold CDs and gave away posters.  And here’s the part that pro comics should try and do–find someone you’re a fan of and play the part of the fan for once.  I couldn’t wait for the lady ahead of me to stop babbling to him so I could get my turn.  She rambled on and told him she had driven all the way from Houston to see him…then joked that she was actually there to visit her daughter.  (Hey lady–don’t turn your compliments into a joke you dumb whore!)  Finally, I got to tell him in a slurring-from-three-beers manner about the previous show I saw him at, thanked him for playing his Idioteque cover upon my request, had him sign a poster, and then bought a CD.  I couldn’t wait to show him support.  I refrained from the annoying things that some comedy fans do, “You know, you should do this, this and this with your talents…”  And “Here’s who I like that’s more famous than you…”  Comics get a lot of that.  Part of me was embarrassed while the other part of me thought, “This is good to see things from this perspective.”  Not to tout, but I have a lot of nice things said to me after shows and sometimes I don’t really feel the genuine side of it.  Being a fan one night really opened my eyes to the enthusiasm people have with their support.  I’ve realized not to take compliments for granted.  And yes, you’re probably wondering, “OK Rob, how’d you fit your stupid book into the conversation?”  Well, Levi mentioned he’d always wanted to try 5 minutes so I’m going to send him one.  As fans, we want the performer to know that we’ve accomplished something too.  It gives us that connection and we just want them to think we’re as cool as they are.

So whether it’s a sporting event, concert, play, or whatever, see if you can play the role of the fan just once and realize how hard it is to not be annoying when you’re overcome with how much the performance wowed you.

Not all comics prefer to work comedy clubs.  Many are suited better for one-nighters.  My advice is to work both because we all want to make as much money as possible and improve our act.  I’ve talked about the challenges a comic faces as they improve at their home club.  Your home club is usually the last one to promote you to the next level (from MC to feature, from feature to headliner).  In this entry I wanted to focus on something positive though.  Your home club can become your professional family and be there for more than just stage time and a paycheck.

The Columbus Funnybone hosted the wedding of my friend Bill Arrundale this last Saturday.  The club has been such a big part of his life that it was the prefect place for him to tie the not.  Here in St. Louis, we used our Funnybone to give Rahn Ramey one last memorial service on Sunday.  Pardon my sentimental entry, but I think it’s important to point out that a lot of us have shared more than just laughs at our home clubs.  I had the honor to be a part of the final standing ovation of Rahn Ramey’s wonderful life and career on Sunday and it’s something I’ll never forget.

So use your home club as more than a place to work.  Hang out there and build connections and relationships in your comedy community because the further you get into this career, the more support you’re going to need for the other issues in life.  Why?  Because your non-comic friends are going to have a completely different life than you.  They might not be able to connect as well because their jobs don’t involve driving six hours to make a hundred bucks on a Wednesday (by the way, don’t take that gig unless you really have to).

When and if you decide to dedicate your life to comedy, you’re going to need to rely on different relationships to stay sane.  Your home club should be the best place to start.

Over the years I’ve been near the managers as MCs try to make the show’s announcements funny…they don’t like that.  I’ve also been the MC who made this same mistake for years and looking back I want to punch myself.  Here’s this week’s lesson:  Announcements that the club has you make during the show are not/should not be funny.  I was misled by seeing MCs be able to get laughs while I was a doorman at the Columbus Funnybone.  The thing is, the manager doesn’t expect you or want you to get laughs during the announcements.  They want the announcements delivered correctly and quickly (Who’s there next week, drink specials, tip the servers, etc.)

So why not be funny?  It’s hard enough to get laughs from your regular material; trying to improv a joke with an announcement won’t work.  You did your time, you got laughs during your set (hopefully), so deliver the announcements correctly if you want to be booked for another MC week.  A club manager will be more upset if you mess up an announcement compared to messing up a joke.

One more tip about this:  Do not make a crack at the servers when reminding the crowd to tip them.  You’ll recall an earlier post about how the booker isn’t the only one to determine your fate.

For other MC advice please read Don’t Wear Shorts on Stage.  It’s also available on iTunes, Kindle, or other formats on Smashwords.

And since this week’s post is so short.  If you’re in the St. Louis area and want to see me perform.  I’ll be at the Westport Funnybone August 7-12 with Bob Biggerstaff.

*One last thing:  I’m getting a lot of hits from South Africa and Brazil…Shoot me an email if that’s you.